My first year of investing: down 10%, checking my portfolio at 2am, and convinced I was doing everything wrong. Turns out, I was doing everything right. Why? Because that year’s money wasn’t about returns, it was about learning to stay consistent.
I began my investment journey in April 2022. Three months later, I was already down 10% and checking my portfolio at 2am, even though the market was closed.
Sound familiar? Or maybe you’re worried that’ll be you?
Here’s what I’ve learned: that obsessive checking, those red numbers, those sleepless nights? Best education I ever paid for. Turns out your first year of investing isn’t about making big bucks at all, it’s about learning how you actually handle money when it’s doing things you can’t control. You’re paying to discover how you actually handle volatility, not how you think you will.
And that’s something that all finance content saying to “start investing early” doesn’t tell you, so there’s no harm in preparing for what to expect before putting your own money on the line.
The Year I Spent Learning Before Risking Anything
My first step into investing actually wasn’t opening my investment account. It was listening.
One of my best friends had recommended the Dutch podcast Jong Beleggen (Young Investing). The premise was brilliant: a young entrepreneur had just sold his company and was investing the proceeds in real-time, documenting everything. Each week, he and a co-host discussed investing basics, their portfolios, and most importantly, how the swings made them feel.
For almost a year, I listened religiously while commuting, cooking, and doing laundry. It was my crash course in what investing actually looks like. Not just numbers on a screen, but the panic when those numbers turn red, the temptation to sell at the bottom, the discipline to stay still when your brain screams at you to do something.
One episode in particular stuck with me: the host’s portfolio had dropped several thousand euro in a single week, and he had received some sarcastic notes in his social circles about the risks of the stock market. But he actually sounded fine. Not happy, of course, but not panicked either. Just: “This is what markets do. I’m not selling.”
I remember thinking: “If he can handle thousands dropping calmly, maybe I can handle smaller amounts too.”
And that year of listening turned out to be nothing less than gold. Because when I finally started my investment journey, shit hit the fan almost immediately.
April 2022: When Learning Money Got Real
I opened my investment account in April 2022, the moment I had enough financial space to permanently start investing €500 per month. My strategy was simple: invest structurally in a globally diversified ETF and one or two thematic ETFs for personal interest, and let time do the work.
But within weeks, my portfolio started swinging like crazy. Three months in, I was down 10%. Five months in, somehow up 15%, and down 11% by the end of the year. It later turned out that I’d begun my journey, unknowingly, right before the start of a bear market.
So knowing that I wasn’t alone, that this was normal, that experienced investors also stayed calm, had already made the year of listening worth it by itself. Because when that first 10% drop hit, I heard the podcaster’s voice. If he could stay calm losing thousands, I could stay calm losing hundreds.
But what I couldn’t have prepared for was the obsession. The constant urge to check. The excitement mixed with anxiety every time I opened my banking app.
My portfolio had more mood swings than a teenager on Red Bull, and I was checking it like social media.
The 2am Portfolio Check (And Why I Couldn’t Look Away)
There were moments, especially around that near-immediate 10% dip, when I’d wake up in the middle of the night and instinctively reach for my phone. Not panicking, exactly. More like… I couldn’t not look. Probably a case of ‘New Investor Syndrome’, which apparently included constantly watching my money move in real-time. Even when it couldn’t.
My portfolio would be deep in the red, easily €100+ down from what I’d put in, and I’d stare at the numbers. Unchanged, because (obviously) the market was closed. Still the same as the day before. Still the same red color.
Admittedly, despite all my preparation, the temptation to sell was absolutely there. That voice saying “Sell now, stop it from getting worse. Wait for things to stabilize, then get back in.” But I also knew that 2am emotional decisions and bear markets are a terrible combination. That selling locks in losses, while doing nothing keeps the door open for recovery.
So I’d close the app, force myself to put the phone down, and try to sleep. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. And the next morning I’d check again, of course. Still not from panic, but from that new investor excitement mixed with morbid curiosity. “How bad is it today? Did it recover? Should I do something?”
Maybe you’ve felt this too once, and not necessarily with investing. That weird pull to check something you know hasn’t changed, just because you can’t not look. Like refreshing your email for a response you know isn’t coming yet.
But in those situations, the right answer was always: do nothing. And slowly, painfully, I got better at actually doing nothing. Because as the excitement faded, red numbers started feeling less like catastrophe and more like… just information. Numbers that didn’t matter until years later anyway.
And that long-term perspective was crucial. Because it was until late 2023, one-and-a-half years after getting started, that the numbers stayed green for good. And it had been exactly that gradual adaptation to seeing red without reacting that had kept me invested.
What Learning Money Actually Bought
In hindsight, all the money invested during that first year was learning money. Each red day wasn’t a loss, it was a lesson I was paying to learn. Every time I’d check the app, acknowledge the number, and then do nothing, unconsciously building the resilience I didn’t know I needed.
The obsessive checking phase eventually faded, especially once I’d experienced enough nights where nothing I did at 2am would change anything. The market just did what it did. My job was to simply keep investing and otherwise leave it alone, staying disciplined even when my instincts screamed to tinker.
But most importantly, I learned I could handle volatility with real money. My own money. Not theoretical calculator money, but actual saved euros. And that eventually gave me the confidence to increase my contributions from €500 to €1,000 after getting a promotion at work. Without paying that learning money, I never would have felt comfortable doing that.
The overall mechanics of investing I had already learned, but the education from actually doing it was something completely different. It was about learning how I react under pressure, which you simply cannot learn from books. You have to pay for that with your own money and emotions.
Why “I Wish I’d Started Earlier” Is Wrong
It’s tempting to think I “lost” by not starting earlier. That more years in the market means more money today. But here’s the truth: I started exactly when I was ready.
Before 2022, I didn’t have money I could lock away long-term. My emergency fund was still building, so starting earlier would have meant using money I might’ve needed, and that would’ve made the first drop catastrophic instead of uncomfortable.
Looking back, I also really needed that listening year. It was like someone telling me to 'be better than the Gap and giving my wardrobe a complete overhaul', but instead of learning to dress for success, I was mentally preparing to handle red numbers without panicking.
The podcast helped me understand that volatility was normal, that experienced investors also see red, and that patience beats action. It made me survive my first bear market instead of immediately quitting after my first bad experience.
Your First Investments Are Like Your First Car
If you’re thinking about starting your own investment journey, here’s what I wish someone had told me: Treat the beginning like driving school, where you mainly learn how to not crash your car. Because even when you know how to get around, you don’t immediately buy a Ferrari. You start with something affordable that you can dent while learning not to crash.
Investing is exactly the same. Your first money in the market? That’s your learning car. It’s supposed to get dinged up and teach you how you handle things when they go wrong, not how you think you will.
So spend some time preparing first, even before getting started. Listen to podcasts, read about others’ experiences, understand what you’re getting into emotionally, not just mechanically. And when you’re ready, start with amounts where red numbers are uncomfortable but not catastrophic. You need to feel it, but you also need to handle it without panic-selling.
And when your portfolio inevitably drops, because it will, remember: you paid for this education. The question isn’t whether you’ll see losses or feel tempted to check constantly. The question is whether you’ll learn from those impulses or let them drive your decisions.
My first year’s volatility eventually bought me the mindset that’s kept me invested through every dip since, and that even occasionally made me put in money on what later turned out to be “best buy” moments. So being immediately down 10%, awake at 2am, and convinced I was doing it all wrong? All of it was learning money, and it was the best tuition I ever paid.
If this story gave you something, feel free to pass it on!
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